Waking Up Earley

Thoughts, Ideas and Inspiration by Melissa Earley

How Do You Know When It’s Over?

Is it time to call it quits on “us?” We’ve been on again off again for almost two years. Even from the beginning we were more than just a fun little fling, more than a mere distraction. Even before I met you I knew you.  It seems that you’ve been a part of my life forever.

I thought we had real potential. I imagined what it would be like to reshape my life so that we could make a life together. I knew it was a risk. I knew not everyone would be supportive. I knew I would hear warnings and stories of others whose hearts you broke.

I’ve seen the warning signs. You’re intent on keeping your distance. I can’t always reach you when I want you. You have secrets you don’t share. We make plans and you don’t show up. I fool myself into believing I’ve accepted you as you are, that I’ve adapted to your inconsistency. Then you disappear for weeks at a time and I’m hurt all over again.

Monsters of insecurity lurk under my bed. They come out on sleepless nights and whisper what I fear is the ugly truth – that I’m just not good enough for you.

And yet, when we are together, really together, I come alive. That’s what brings me back to you, over and over again. With you I discover the world and myself.

Please, dear Novel, just tell me, do I keep writing or is it time to hit “delete?”

 

 

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16 Comments

  1. Hi Melissa,
    Every relationship has its ups and downs. Sometimes it takes a long time to find where you sing in harmony with your mate, and where there is discord. Often It’s not so much the end but the journey… the process of finding your sweet spot together. Don’t give up, Melissa. You are good. Maybe you have chosen the wrong critic? And does all this belaboring really matter.. you are hooked!

  2. Like with all love affairs, before you end it make sure you’ve drawn your boundaries and held them, retained your power over the relationship, and above all, that it is not a one way street. If Novel doesn’t give you as much as you give it then it may be time to move on. There are plenty of new ideas in the sea. Maybe you need a Clearness Commitee?

  3. Haha, this is great. I really hope you don’t call it quits, because I want to read the book!

  4. Hi Melissa,
    I think many who seek have experienced this. I know I have. Some souls come to wake us up and it is hard to accept that once that has been accomplished, the purpose is complete and the time together over. Absolutely excrutiating. The message for me is that the awakened state of consciousness I felt in the other’s presence is a reflection of my own Divinity and I am responsible to bring that forth and express it with God. As with all growth, understanding does not make it less painful. By the time I was asking the question, I knew the answer, but it took me eleven years to surrender to Truth.

  5. The quality and cleverness of this bit of writing alone demands that you continue. You’ll have no peace if you don’t finish. Even if it’s a stepping stone, it’s an important one. Now get back to work.

  6. I just realized you are talking about wtiting!! Oh my that is awesome!!

  7. I just realized you are talking about writing!! Oh my that is awesome!!

  8. Keep writing! Definitely keep writing!!

  9. Keep writing! Definitely keep writing!

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